Phone Call #3

Date: Saturday 11th February

Time: 3.00pm

Number: Withheld

(Phone Rings)

Me: Hello?

Voice (Male, African sounding): Hello, is dat Mister eeen John?

Me: It is

Voice: Hello Mr John, dis is Gary calling from Microsoft Security Centre.

Me: Is it?

Voice: How are you today?

Me: Absolutely blimmin' fantastic.

Voice: Mr John, I am calling you about a number of security breaches that your computer has emailed to us at Microsoft over the past week.

Me (in horror): Oh No!

Voice: Yes sir, but do not panic. Have you noticed your computer has been running more slowly, sir?

Me (scared): Yes, yes it has.

Voice: Don't panic sir, we can help.

Me: Yesterday, I switched it on and I deleted the Internet... Oh my god...

Voice: Sir, please don't panic...

Me: Oh No, (SHOUTS) We're all going to die aren't we? Aaaggghhhahah!

Voice: Sir, Sir! No sir...

Me: And then this morning when I switched it on... I killed the whole INTERNET... Aggghhhhhhhhhhhh!

Voice: Sir...

Me: Oh my god! The lights are flashing! It's going to explode! I can hear ticking? Can you hear the ticking... Oh God no! Help! AGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

(Phone went dead)

(What was particularly enjoyable about this one was that my daughter and friend were in the room to enjoy it first hand.